Has there ever been a more perfect human being?
I have two potential ID pictures and I know exactly which one I’m going to try to submit
I under stand that my head is tilted by a professional smile???
How is my smile not professional???
Let’s try round 2.
I’m very confused. I must inquire further.
THIS IS THE DAY I DIE
Repeat after me: I am a goddess. My spirit is towering, my soul is mighty, my breasts are magnificent and my shoes are super fucking cute.
honeymoon is an interesting term because an actual moon made of honey would imply space bees which is pretty horrifying
so i was looking up stuff about birth control throughout history and
I have an idea son, why don’t we drive to the nearest cliff and see if the law of gravity applies to you.
Your caption killed me
The caption tho
isn’t it funny how people say ‘grilled cheese’ instead of ‘grilled cheese sandwich’? you could be talking about an actual piece of grilled che
i stopped typing because i realized that this is the single most worthless post ever conceived
WͯH̰̜͎̎͌́E̡̦͎̺̪̜͉͗̇ͩͭ͌ͨ̾R̡̩̼̩̥̹͖ͤ̈ͮ̚E̙̼͙̞͍̯ ̦̝̯̼̗ͫA͊̽̆̇̂R̛̰̣̺E̵̹̞̤̫ͧ̏ͅ ̹̘̬̔ͯ̂̇Ẏ̨̾̅ͤ̆ͩOͦŨR̢̩͆͛ͩ͗͒̿͑ ̙̪̺̙̙̳̖̓̏̚͘A̦̲͓̗̥̗̟̅Ŗ͖͇ͅM͑͗ͫS͕̟̩̮͓̒͆,̤̃ ̜͢F̡̬̀ͤͩͮ̋̅A̻̾̓͡T̛̟͓̬̋͊ͩH̳̱̞̫͉̆͌̍Ẻ̞̺̘̜͍̮̰ͪ̄͆͊ͪ̚R̕?̰̬̼̝ͥͣͧͅͅ
̞̣͉̫̫̞̠ͣ̽ͭ̋̅͛̌L̓̃̇͠E͎̞̞̫̼T͇̪͓͓̜͇ͪ̽ ̳̦͕͖̭͚͒ͮͪ͐͢M͘E̬̖̟̬̻̅̆́͜ ͔͡E͓̔̆̐͆̑ͣ̅M͎̝͉͚͡Ḇ̡͋ͬͨ̈́Rͧ̍A̝͍̤̗͋̄̊ͪ͞C̘̱͆͑̆Ě͎̟̩̱̥̪ͩ̀ ͓Y̟̘̬͖͂̀Õ̰͕̩͎̍̓͛ͭ͜Ū̫̪͉̮͖̾ͯͯ̾͒͠ ̨͔̤̮̜͖͇̂̑͌̈́̈ͪF̴̮̏͆A̰̯̪͇̻͉͈ͪ̽̏ͫ̌T̏ͅH͍̝̳͈̑͗̃͆̿̎͡Ȩ̪̲ͪͣ͋ͅR̝̞͙͙̫͓̳̄̋̎ͩ͋͟.̢̮̙̩̋ͤ̿̿
my brother left his drink at taco bell and was like “where’s my baja blast?” and my sister just quietly whispers “in the baja past”
job interviewer: so…tell me a little about yourself :)
me: sure. i’m a virgo, INTJ, i love tank tops oh my god did you see the Anaconda video? that changed my life!
interviewer: bitch me too! the fuck. you got the job
My whole life has been a lie